My MAMAW...

18 years ago yesterday, I heard my great-grandmother tell me "I love you" for the last time. It didn't even look like her laying in that bed...and I barely understood her...and I remember every little detail about that night. Early the next morning (March 28), she passed away from cancer. I was only 13 years old. I didn't tell her that I love her...I don't know if it was because of my age and being embarrassed or if somehow I knew that it would be the last time. Maybe if I didn't say it, she wouldn't die. My great-grandfather had passed away 6 weeks before her at the age of 97. She once said, "I dont know if I'll ever shed a tear..." He was the reason she fought so hard & once he passed, she allowed that horrible disease to take over so she could be with him. She was the love of my life, I was her treasure - her favorite. (That's her & my great-grandfather, Mace -the one my son, Mason, is named after- and ME in the picture.)
Today I went to WM to get some flowers to take to the cemetery. I haven't been there in years. When I drive by, I always look, but can't bring myself to stop. It actually took me a few minutes to find the headstone...it's a flat one that lays on the ground. I hate it & I want them to have a big one - because they deserve it! And one day I'm going to replace it! My mom had a basket of fake flowers up, so I just put the fresh flowers in with them. I didn't stay long...I pulled a few weeds around the stone and wiped it off. When I couldn't see anymore for the tears, I knew it was time to go. Even after 18 years, I still have a hard time with it. I don't know that it ever gets easier. Sometimes I think it gets harder...especially when I look at my kids & know how much joy they would've brought to her life. She died at the young age of 79. (In Dec. 06, she would've been 98.) It's weird...she was 79, he was 97 - numbers reversed. The last 4 digits of their phone number was 1428 - he died Feb. 14, she died March 28. Someone once told me (when I told them this) that only I could come up with that! :)
I have so many wonderful memories of her. I even remember the night they took my Papaw to the nursing home. I was at her house every chance I got. I think I would've lived there if I could've! She taught me how to cook an egg omelet at 10 years old - or younger...; I burned her recliner one time when I took an omelet in to ask if it was done...she said every time she rubbed the arm of the chair, she thought of me; she had the most beautiful tulips in her garden & never once griped because I'd pick every single one of them and bring them to her; tulips are one of my favorite flowers; she got me hooked on Days of Our Lives - and I still watch it to this day; I remember seeing her fall down her steps one time; I remember her giving up her bed for guests; I remember burning my foot on her floor furnace; I remember her clearing her throat all the time - and when I do it, my family says, "OK Florence..." - that was her name, & I just grin; I remember sleeping with her & how she said I kicked her all the time; I remember aggrivating my brother just to get a rise out of her - I even have it recorded on a cassette tape!; I remember my little red rocking chair; I remember her last Christmas...she wanted to do something special for us so we'd remember it...so she had my grandma tie $5 bills together to make $50 & she put them in a box...there was a tag that read something like, "pull slowly" & here came a long tail of $5 bills - that was the coolest! I have so many memories that I'll never forget.
This is a picture of her cookie jar (don't look too close cause you'll see all the dust) - and yes, it always had cookies in it too! My aunt got it when Mamaw died and for my house warming gift (almost 7 years ago), she gave it to me...along with a card I'll treasure forever too. It was really hard to open a gift such as this...knowing that I was going to have to be responsible for it, but it IS my most treasured item I have. Whenever someone asks what I'd save in a fire, it's always 'my Mamaw's cookie jar' with no hesitation. I honestly cannot tell you how important it is to me. As I re-read my post, I am welled up with tears - I miss her so much and I wish I could go back to that day 18 years & 1 day ago to tell her how much I love her.......

--- In loving memory ---

Florence E. Schlegel ~ December 3, 1908 to March 28, 1988.