My MAMAW...

18 years ago yesterday, I heard my great-grandmother tell me "I love you" for the last time. It didn't even look like her laying in that bed...and I barely understood her...and I remember every little detail about that night. Early the next morning (March 28), she passed away from cancer. I was only 13 years old. I didn't tell her that I love her...I don't know if it was because of my age and being embarrassed or if somehow I knew that it would be the last time. Maybe if I didn't say it, she wouldn't die. My great-grandfather had passed away 6 weeks before her at the age of 97. She once said, "I dont know if I'll ever shed a tear..." He was the reason she fought so hard & once he passed, she allowed that horrible disease to take over so she could be with him. She was the love of my life, I was her treasure - her favorite. (That's her & my great-grandfather, Mace -the one my son, Mason, is named after- and ME in the picture.)
Today I went to WM to get some flowers to take to the cemetery. I haven't been there in years. When I drive by, I always look, but can't bring myself to stop. It actually took me a few minutes to find the headstone...it's a flat one that lays on the ground. I hate it & I want them to have a big one - because they deserve it! And one day I'm going to replace it! My mom had a basket of fake flowers up, so I just put the fresh flowers in with them. I didn't stay long...I pulled a few weeds around the stone and wiped it off. When I couldn't see anymore for the tears, I knew it was time to go. Even after 18 years, I still have a hard time with it. I don't know that it ever gets easier. Sometimes I think it gets harder...especially when I look at my kids & know how much joy they would've brought to her life. She died at the young age of 79. (In Dec. 06, she would've been 98.) It's weird...she was 79, he was 97 - numbers reversed. The last 4 digits of their phone number was 1428 - he died Feb. 14, she died March 28. Someone once told me (when I told them this) that only I could come up with that! :)
I have so many wonderful memories of her. I even remember the night they took my Papaw to the nursing home. I was at her house every chance I got. I think I would've lived there if I could've! She taught me how to cook an egg omelet at 10 years old - or younger...; I burned her recliner one time when I took an omelet in to ask if it was done...she said every time she rubbed the arm of the chair, she thought of me; she had the most beautiful tulips in her garden & never once griped because I'd pick every single one of them and bring them to her; tulips are one of my favorite flowers; she got me hooked on Days of Our Lives - and I still watch it to this day; I remember seeing her fall down her steps one time; I remember her giving up her bed for guests; I remember burning my foot on her floor furnace; I remember her clearing her throat all the time - and when I do it, my family says, "OK Florence..." - that was her name, & I just grin; I remember sleeping with her & how she said I kicked her all the time; I remember aggrivating my brother just to get a rise out of her - I even have it recorded on a cassette tape!; I remember my little red rocking chair; I remember her last Christmas...she wanted to do something special for us so we'd remember it...so she had my grandma tie $5 bills together to make $50 & she put them in a box...there was a tag that read something like, "pull slowly" & here came a long tail of $5 bills - that was the coolest! I have so many memories that I'll never forget.
This is a picture of her cookie jar (don't look too close cause you'll see all the dust) - and yes, it always had cookies in it too! My aunt got it when Mamaw died and for my house warming gift (almost 7 years ago), she gave it to me...along with a card I'll treasure forever too. It was really hard to open a gift such as this...knowing that I was going to have to be responsible for it, but it IS my most treasured item I have. Whenever someone asks what I'd save in a fire, it's always 'my Mamaw's cookie jar' with no hesitation. I honestly cannot tell you how important it is to me. As I re-read my post, I am welled up with tears - I miss her so much and I wish I could go back to that day 18 years & 1 day ago to tell her how much I love her.......

--- In loving memory ---

Florence E. Schlegel ~ December 3, 1908 to March 28, 1988.

Weekend

We are leaving tomorrow for Ponca. It's supposed to be a family reunion, but my mother-in-laws sister (Lucy) and her family aren't going to be able to make it. They found out that Lucy has an anurisim (not sure on spelling) in her stomach and doesn't need to be out in the woods if something were to happen. She is supposed to have surgery on the 13th. We haven't seen this side of the family since Lucy's husband died about 1-2 years ago. We used to have family reunions every year & stopped the year before their mother died (2002 or 3). It's so nice getting everyone together....such a HUGE family (for only 2 daughters). We reserved a dining room for 50 people! My husband is one of 5 kids.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'll be gone for a few days. Please pray for Lucy --- and for me, as I just found something disturbing my daughter and some boy were writing back and forth about via email (and she barely knows him...he lives in another city close to us). Oh yeah, a mothers worst nightmare - at THIRTEEN! That 3 letter "s" word we all cringed at hearing our parents speak of...and that we cringe having to speak to our children about. UGH! She stresses me out to no end.

When Godly People Do Ungodly Things...

by Beth Moore...
I had to share this with you...it's something in my workbook from a bible study I've been doing (title). Monday night was our last week...
Pursue and practice the sincere and sanctified life in the world.
This means behaving consistently whether we're in the world or in church. Believers experience much guilt from practicing the chameleon life of environmental adaptation. We only find relief when we ask God to invade our life and personality so fully that we become the same person at the shopping mall or restaurant that we are in church.
Stated another way, something is wrong if our coworkers would be shocked to learn that we go to church. Most believers don't work in environments where preaching to coworkers is part of their job description, but would coworkers find our behavior inconsistent with our professed belief system at church? Consistency is a tremendous relief and a vital component in a clean conscience.
The reason I write this is because I was once like this - 2 different people. I am slowly, but surely getting there. It has been a long road for me, but God is getting me where I need to be spiritually - for myself, my children & my husband. It's amazing watching (learning) the process. I hope that each of you that read this will allow it to sink in....then ask yourself the question "Do I behave consistantly in the world as I do in church?" If you do not attend church ask yourself this - would your friends by surprised to know that you pray daily?

On another note...here's the scrapbook box I made. I ended up doing it for Shelby and her friends. It's really cute in person! It's a 4.5x.4.5 box (with lid) that has white paper (covered in prints and solids) that zig zag into the box! I bought the box at WM for 67 cents and added everything to it myself!

Scrapping Day!

That's right, I've got a friend coming over so I can get caught up on some scrapbooking. Who knows what I'm going to do! I have no pictures developed, so I guess I'll just fiddle around. I'm hoping to make a scrapbook box & if I do, I'll post it for y'all to see.
Shelby got her braces on Monday...just on the top (and they don't go all the way back). Pink rubber bands...imagine that! I don't know why her face is so swollen in the "after" picture!! Can you tell? I think she likes them tho. She's having a hard time getting used to them - she can't eat anything! But hey - at least it might tone down that smart mouth a little for fear I might pop her in the mouth. HAHA!!! (Wishful thinking, right?!) She had a friend spend the night last night; Brayden went to a friends & Eric is in Pennsylvania looking at land (for work). Oh, he's gotten over his mood thing. Hopefully we won't see anymore of those for a month (you know, PMS time) - lol.

Sorry it's been a few days since I've posted. I've been swamped with stuff. I got my house really clean Monday - well, the front rooms anyway - and it looked good. (I despise cleaning!) I have some more organizational stuff to do tomorrow - like move dishes so my hubby doesn't have a fit. His grandmother's dishes are on my bottom shelf in my pantry & he's afraid Mason will break them! (Me too!) For now, he can't open the cabinet - but you never know when that day might come. He's into everything & doing new things every day. It's so amazing. I told him 2 nights ago to stop growing. I totally miss my little baby...you know, the one you can hold in your arms and rock...and he won't try to squirm out of your lap. But he's just so darn cute...I do love this age too. To all you "moms" out there....Thanks for all you do! You are amazing women and God put these children in your lives because he knew you'd raise them right. Even tho sometimes we wonder what we're doing, we are doing HIS work. Keep it up!

Have a great day!

Stress

Today has been one of those days. My dear hubby has been in a "mood" for the past few days and it's driving me insane. I swear I think they suffer PMS. We exchanged some 'not so nice' words on Friday night - all over my hair being in his sink!! geez! But by Sat. a.m., he was fine. Mood swing!!! Another day like that today. He must have some stress at work - who knows.

Today, Pastor Wes spoke about "Sexual Purity" - it was awesome. Our youth pastor and his wife gave their testimony. It's awesome to see someone like that give a testimony...you think, "Wow - they were actually like that?!" because they are such godly people. Each person spoke about the "man" - but I do know that we as women are at fault too! (Yes, I have always been faithful to my husband!) The men aren't always the ones that cheat........or lust after women (which is a sin too). Anyway, Our pastor has been in our church for about 5 years now. I'm Methodist (raised Baptist) and if you know the Methodist religion, you know they change pastors every 2 years. I must say, he is the best!! It's only obvious.

I just got finished cleaning up my scrapbook room. I still have a few things to do, but it's pretty organized. I'll see when I sit down to work - we'll see how long it takes me to find what I'm looking for. I have 2 friends coming over Wed. to scrap, so we'll see how functional this room is! My hubby bought me a new desk this weekend...it's really nice! I also got a new organizational system last week & I just got all my stuff in it. (I got 3 of them - check it out at www.stickerstadium.com) They are great for everything.

I guess I better get back to it. My house is a wreck...my bedroom is a disaster! It's storing all of Shelby's stuff until she straightens up! Speaking of, I've told her 3 times today to get busy in here - to get the house clean and she just screws around. "I'll do it tomorrow." Oh no she won't! She's getting braces tomorrow & I know it won't get done. I swear...these teenagers - I think God puts them in our lives to test our patience! lol

Have a great Sunday.

OFFICIAL....

She made it! Shelby is now a 9th grade cheerleader!! wooo hooo!!!!!!! YOU GO GIRL.

It's official - the painting is finished!! Like it? A little too orange for me, but oh well. I guess you could say it's a bright terracotta. The name of it is BROWN CLAY...??? Now for the hard part -- moving heavy furniture with sore muscles! It's almost there, with a little faith, I'll have it finished in about 30 minutes, then I'm going to organize all my scrapbook stuff. Wish me luck, because I hate organizing...however, it will look SO much better afterwards. I just organized my laundry room yesterday - put all my OTC meds in one basket, my RX meds in another & my laundry stuff in another...all on a shelf. You can actually see the top of my dryer now. For those that know me, it's always a mess ... usually hard to push the start button - cause I can't find it! lol

Tryouts are today! Shelby is nervous, I think. We worked on her dance this morning & I made her put some groove in those hips. She's really good. I don't have any doubt she won't make it...they need her as a flyer! But, she could get out there and blow it. The good thing is - there's no set limit as to how many cheerleaders they can have. 19 are trying out, 8 could make it or they all could. I think 22 are trying out for 8th grade. On another note, she didn't do Mock tryouts yesterday...lied to me about it - when I knew better. I was told she threw a fit & started crying and just refused to do it. Come to find out, there were about 50 people in the room. Heck, I'd throw a fit myself...I hate stuff like that!!! So, no biggie really. The person that told me was just concerned that she may not want to do it at all. I wonder myself sometimes...

Gotta get back to work. I'll let you know tonight if she makes it! Have a glorious day!

Painting Day!!!

Here's Mason blowing bubbles on Sunday - this is what got his allergies going!! But he's so stinkin' cute!!!!!

Well, I'm 1/2 way done with my 2nd coat of paint. Once everything dries, I need to move my computer and a curio to finish painting 1/4 of a wall & about 2/3 of another one. I have to get some spackle today to fill some holes. My hubby wouldn't allow me to use toothpaste...guess I shouldn't have called him for advice. Oh well. I had to take a break for a while. My hand is killing me. The color I got isn't what I thought it was going to be. I wanted a terracotta, but it's more orangey, I guess. It's ok, just not what I wanted. And I'm not going to repaint! ugh...what a pain. Hubby was rushing me that day to pick a color, so I'll blame it on him!

Shelby has cheerleading tryouts tomorrow. Mock tryouts are today. She didn't want to do that, but she is! I found something last night that showed she sent a picture of me to some kid she barely knows so his DAD can see what I look like -- because he wanted to! I was furious! I also found *more* stuff showing how she continually goes behind my back doing things she's been told not to. Like I.M.ing her boyfriend while I was gone - when she wasn't supposed to be on the computer! Heck, I can't trust her with anything. I know, I know - that's small - don't sweat the small stuff, but it's the point. I'm seriously thinking about taking the cable modum when I leave so I know she can't get on. Report cards come out today, so we'll see if she's still grounded. With the crap she keeps pulling, it will be hard to give her these things back. I told her night before last that she needed to settle down when she had friends over. She tries way too hard to show off in front of them (that drives me insane). Then a friend came home with her yesterday & she's smarting her mouth off like crazy. I was ready to slap her! The friend even said something to her!! I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown before too long. haha!

Gotta get back to painting. Tomorrow is TGIF!!! :}

Today I've got to get my house organized so I can paint my scrapbook room tomorrow while Mason is at the sitters. After that, I'll only have 1 more big room to paint...my hallway...and the front bath. I've got to get someone to take down the wallpaper border though. I *hate* wallpaper....I can't believe I put it in my house! Yeah, I picked it out too.

I've been writing. It's not something I normally do. I wrote 3 childrens books about 4 or 5 years ago. They're still in my computer...no they are on a yellow sheet of paper somewhere. I never did anything with them. I guess because I don't know what to do! They were "The Adventures of Brayden Bear" for my son, Brayden. I wanted to start something about "Mason Monkey" but never did. Instead, I'm writing about 'teenagers' and things they go through. I'm on Chapter 5 - I had Shelby sit down last night and read it. She was talking about Ch 1 and how she wanted to know what was wrong with this particular girl...but it ended and she told me I needed to finish it. Later in the story she found out...then she couldn't stop reading. She said, "Mom, I was like - WHAT?! I had to go back and read it again." It was kind of funny - but made me feel good. I don't know that I will ever do anything with it, but it's meditation for me, I guess. It keeps my mind off my daily stresses (ha) and keeps me focused on these 'kids' in the book...and what they'll do next. I'm already thinking about the 2nd one.... That's really weird for me to concentrate on something like that. If I think it's good enough - and it keeps Shelby's attention (which is sometimes hard to do), I might send it off, but it's not in my plans right now. As I said - it keeps me focused on something else.

Mason's allergies are getting the best of him - for the past 3 days. He looks horrible. His eyes are puffy, watery, tired. His nose is red. My little angel doesn't feel good! But he's such a sport. He's playing Brayden's drums right now as I'm writing this. I can barely see him over them.

I'm hoping to post some pictures laster if I get time...

Have a tremendously blessed day!

Brilliant

Today was so busy. I had so many errands to run & still didn't get them finished. I dropped off Laura's ice chest, went to the dentist, chiropractor, the hospital to see my grandpa, the salvation army (we cleaned out the garage!), the cleaners & I still have 3 more on my list for tomorrow! I had to get home b/c Mason's allergies were bugging him & he wasn't feeling too well. He was more than ready for a nap! Brayden tried his best this morning to tell me he wasn't feeling well so he could skip school. He went anyway! Shelby has cheer clinic this week & tryouts on Friday. (Keep her in your thoughts!) I think she's nervous...she has her back-handspring down, but doesn't have the confidence to do it alone. Anyway, I'm off to try to rest for 45 minutes....before Mason gets up & I have to be at school. I'm exhausted!

my laughter is contagious. my life is an adventure. because i am ... brilliant.

my beauty is natural. my outlook is sunny. because i am ... fresh.

my strength is loyalty. my friendship is genuine. because i am ... true.

my charm is effortless. my desire is romance. because i am ... captivating.

(taken from jcp flyer, introducing new product 'because i am' - an invitation to express the beauty that's exclusively yours. Sometimes we forget about ourselves & today I just wanted to remind you that you are brilliant, fresh, true & captivating.)

Sunday

Well, I'm missing church again because of my back. I have no idea what I have done, but it hurts so bad! Friday night, I took 4 muscle relaxers in 3 hours. (Don't worry, they were all natural...and it was ok to do that) I went to bed & got some sleep. About 4am, I was up again. I went to get on the couch & took 2 tylenol with codeine. I finally went back to sleep, but when I moved, I hurt so bad. It's in a funny spot...right between my shoulder blades by my spine - going up into my neck. I was going to get up Saturday and run over to see the chiropractor, but I slept until after 9 & my nephew's birthday party was at 11. I also had to work a shift at the school carnival at 12:30, but Shelby did that for me. Later, Eric and I went to Lowes to get some curtains for our back doors...our blinds are broken - thanks to 2 little boys. :) I also got some paint in hopes to paint my dining room (aka my scrapbook room) this weekend...it's kind of a light terracotta. But I guess it will have to wait until this week. Maybe I can just prep the room... We watched the 4th Harry Potter & the entire time I was on a heating pad - on high. I got some sleep last night, but today it's hurting again. I can hold Mason - but picking him up from the floor is a little tough...I just do it slowly. Eric took the other 2 to church & I'm going to try to clean the kitchen - against his wishes. (But it will never get done if I don't!)

test

testing

T.G.I.F.

Oh, I felt it coming...I couldn't get to the medicine cabinet fast enough...the pain, it's throbbing, Oh Lord, please make it go away! That's right..I felt that great MIGRAINE coming! The pills didn't work fast enough --- or I didn't take them in time, cause I sent the boys to their room to watch some TV - I turned mine off & took a small cat nap on the couch. (Brayden is home from school today.) Finally...it's gone! Back to cleaning!! I mopped my kitchen today. We've lived here almost 7 years & I think I might've mopped my floor 5 times. Eric does it!! Along with the laundry.

Ok, so Shelby's tired of having these "conversations" - but she won't quit doing the stupid stuff. I found a note from this 'ex' boyfriend last night...something about breaking up, so I asked her when she broke up with him..."Three days ago," she said. I made her break up with him over 2 weeks ago...??? I said something about that & she said, "Well you knew about it...you said people told you." Yeah, but she denied every bit of it! (Even tho I knew better.) If she's tired of having conversations such as these, why does she keep doing these things? I keep asking myself and her that, but neither of us have an answer.

Thanks to my new buds - Gwen, mighty minnie & newmommy4god for your encouraging words! I'm so blessed to have met you!

So Christy's coming over to help me with my blog. I guess I'll go - I may write later, but the HOGS are playing, so who knows. TTFN.

I'm free today!!!

My kidos...Brayden, Shelby & Mason...

Today my baby went to the babysitters for the 1st time. She has kept him before for a few hours while I went to the dentist, but he's staying all day. AND - it's storming really bad here. Sirens were going off, a building up the road has a roof blown off & 2x4's through walls...I'm here alone & my baby is elsewhere. Now, talk about feeling horrible! The hubby is on his way home from Dallas - I'm sure having the time of his life flying in this junk. ugh!

I had a dental appt. this morning at 9:30 - got outta there at 12:30!!! (I took them homemade cinnamon rolls & sourdough bread. They loved it!) Then I went to inventory my scrapbook stuff at our local coffee shop...made $126 - not bad for a days work. ha! I've got some other stuff to bring over, but I gotta find the time to do it. I came home afterwards to meet hubby, but he's not here yet. His flight was supposed to get here at 1:46 --- about 40 minutes ago and his phone is still turned off.

Last night, Shelby and I had another nice conversation about life... What is it about teenagers -- they think they know it all & we're complete idiots! Yeah, I know, I felt the same way about my mom. But come on, they have to give in at some point. She's mad at me b/c I made her break up with her boyfriend - whom I heard from the school nurse is a loser & a junky. She sees nothing wrong with that & thinks I "judge" her friends & boyfriends. I'm her mom & I want the best for her -- am I not supposed to be picky about who she runs with? She got in-school suspension about 2 weeks ago for skipping class. That is SO not my daughter. She's gone from a straight A student to 2 D's & 1 F on her mid-nine week report. She's brought the grades up & she says that she just didn't turn the work in. If that's so, what the heck is she doing in class?? I think our teachers are a little too leanient (not sure on the spelling). Her rebellious stage is stimulating from her 'oh-so-wonderful' father. He's in and out of her life all the time. He's on his 3rd marriage - ok, so maybe his 3rd divorce, who knows anymore... She doesn't like it when he calls his daughter, so he just doesn't do it until it's convenient for him. He is tearing her apart & he doesn't even care. And she takes it out on ME! I guess it's ok at times, but boy have I ever been stressed these past 2 weeks. I have wiped **everything** out of her room. I even took the door off it's hinges! She's such a great kid, I just don't understand this. I know it's a phase & it's gotta get worse before it gets better. We just need lots of prayer! That's the only way it's going to work. I've given the issues to God (even tho I still try to sort through them myself) and I know in time He will prevail.

My 1st Post

OK...so here I am. I can't believe I've done this! I set up a blog...something I swore I'd never do. I'm a very personal & private person & the last thing I want is to post my life on the internet, but a couple of friends talked me into it...said it would help me deal with my daughter (and life in general) & vent the frustrations I may have. AND - possibly meet a few new friends - and get some advice from other mom's with teenage girls! Let's hope we can share stories & advice with each other. Lord knows we all need it at some point in our lives...especially when things seem to be turned upside down.

I had a fairly decent day today. I went shopping for a little while - for a Brighton purse, but no luck. I got a cute black shirt at Talbots instead. Then little Mason and I came home (for his nap), I watched my soap, ate a salad & cleaned a little in my kitchen. This evening (with hubby gone), I made homemade cinnamon rolls for us in the a.m. and for my dentist & his associates for my appt. tomorrow. Maybe with the goodies, he'll go easy on me! :)

It's fairly late for me, so I'll get off here & hopefully find some time to write more tomorrow... Oh, that's me and my hubby in the picture!! :)
Have a great evening & sleep well.